oodle doodle

02.07.2007

2007-02-06T22:23:00.001-08:00

i went to the bathroom to take a p*ss as i regularly do. after, i shifted to the sink close by, i scraped my friggin' leg with the wooden antiquish trash bin. from then, i knew more drama will follow. i went downstairs to eat breakfast. as i was about to scoop sugar for my hot chocolate, i found a couple of ants crawling in and out the sugar container. i lost my appetite, but went on with the hot choco, nevertheless.

it was about 9:30 and i was late for english. so i rushed for a quick bath. i opened the shower, hot water first then cold. as i stepped in the shower, my scraped leg jolted with pain. and as i looked down on it, i saw a wound. (Yey me!)

as i was leaving the house, all my hopes were up as i decided to think positively, hopefully to imrpove my sucky day. but there was more drama intended for me that morning. i was about to step out to go to school (i commut btw.). the garage door swung open. and to my dismay, the moment the door completely opened, rain came pouring down. but there's more! as i turned around, i accidentally stepped on a dissolved tissue or something (like paper mache texture). i went inside to wash my foot and grab an umbrella.

my day kept getting worse as school work continued to pile up on me. today was the day i was ready to actually finish the documentary i planned to edit during the weekend, but unfortunately couldn't do. then after, i hope to start studying for a long test and learn my stats. however, this was impossible since i have to stay in school for a very late play we have to watch for literature class, which we would not even proabably dare discuss in class. then a while ago i bumped into a math classmate only to find out our next long test is scheduled this coming tuesday.

and now my head hurts from all the dissappointments and mental juggling. every now and then i crack my neck to relieve the build up of tension due to the veins that seemed to keep intertwining every minute.

i hope this is all i will be getting for this day as i can't handle no more. i still have other personal issues to attend to aside from these school load. Lord help me.

so, to you reader, hello. i am back.

02.07.2007

2007-02-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

this morning i woke up after having a nightmare. i was already late for my morning laboratory class since the bad dream kept me drowning in my sleep. as i lied on my bed, i felt my whole body ache as if i did weights. i could not stand up due to the pain that was holding me down. finally, i got the courage, and with the greatest effort, forced myself to rise and go through with the day.

i went to the bathroom to take a p*ss as i regularly do. after, i shifted to the sink close by, i scraped my friggin' leg with the wooden antiquish trash bin. from then, i knew more drama will follow. i went downstairs to eat breakfast. as i was about to scoop sugar for my hot chocolate, i found a couple of ants crawling in and out the sugar container. i lost my appetite, but went on with the hot choco, nevertheless.

it was about 9:30 and i was late for english. so i rushed for a quick bath. i opened the shower, hot water first then cold. as i stepped in the shower, my scraped leg jolted with pain. and as i looked down on it, i saw a wound. (Yey me!)

as i was leaving the house, all my hopes were up as i decided to think positively, hopefully to imrpove my sucky day. but there was more drama intended for me that morning. i was about to step out to go to school (i commut btw.). the garage door swung open. and to my dismay, the moment the door completely opened, rain came pouring down. but there's more! as i turned around, i accidentally stepped on a dissolved tissue or something (like paper mache texture). i went inside to wash my foot and grab an umbrella.

my day kept getting worse as school work continued to pile up on me. today was the day i was ready to actually finish the documentary i planned to edit during the weekend, but unfortunately couldn't do. then after, i hope to start studying for a long test and learn my stats. however, this was impossible since i have to stay in school for a very late play we have to watch for literature class, which we would not even proabably dare discuss in class. then a while ago i bumped into a math classmate only to find out our next long test is scheduled this coming tuesday.

and now my head hurts from all the dissappointments and mental juggling. every now and then i crack my neck to relieve the build up of tension due to the veins that seemed to keep intertwining every minute.

i hope this is all i will be getting for this day as i can't handle no more. i still have other personal issues to attend to aside from these school load. Lord help me.

so, to you reader, hello. i am back.

torn

2006-05-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

For the past year, day and night, the thought of being away had made me restless. I religiously prayed for the moment that I may be able to return.

At last, the day came. I received a phone call informing me of my acceptance. I could not swallow the news. I was not sure whether it was sheer joy or that it was just shock that all of a sudden it had finally happened; I’m coming back.

The night before was very happy. It was the eighteenth birthday of a close friend. I was lucky enough to have contributed somehow to the occasion. My friend asked me to host a segment of the party. The night was spent with my closest peers, and we had a simple yet a very happy time together. Though it was the usual birthday celebration, we loved every single time we spent with each other.

That night, I already felt a gut feeling that something is coming; things will soon turn around. True enough, the following morning, I did get the news. Suddenly, everything crumbled. My stomach churned as if it was ready to melt.

From the start, I knew I was going to leave these genuine people I have met. But I never really knew until the day finally came that I was going to miss them a whole lot. That night, I was tossing and turning on my bed. I was sleepless thinking of the next step to take.

I remember last New Year’s Eve; I checked my astrology reading on the net. It said that the year would be a good one for rabbits, though it entails a very hard decision. I guess this was it. But then again, astrology or no astrology, life’s all about making your own choices. And I had to make-up my mind now.

People who know me might immediately assume that I probably am ecstatic with the acceptance; it was all that I wanted. However, now that I am actually in that dream, I am occupied with a million reservations. I weigh each and every pros and cons.

Almost everything points to my retention in my current school. First, I am able to go home everyday to my family. Second, I have found an amazing set of friends. Lastly, I have already spent a year of college there. The only reason that is holding me back is my love for the Ateneo, the place that I grew up in.

Amidst all these uncertainties, I came to realize that in spite of these setbacks, I can continue on my dream. Family and friends will always be there for me regardless of distance. And I ask: what is another added year compared to my self fulfillment and happiness? So then, I arrive at a decision:

In life, there is always a continuous downpour of challenges, problems, and heartaches. But one has to make a stand and face the facts. This is what I asked for, and I should accept it gratefully. I say, I’d go for it!

With the Lord by my side, I fear nothing.

'tis the season to be bored

2006-05-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

After a whole year of sweat and blood, the season we’ve all anticipated has finally arrived—long hours of excitement and sunshine, summer.

At last, the day has come when we can sit back, relax and enjoy a cool and refreshing sip of our favorite drink, while we nestle under a shade as we enjoy the season. In spite of the intense heat emitted by the sun, we seem to find ourselves relieved at the idea that it is vacation.

But then, we reach the point of the break where we find ourselves clueless of the next step to take until we become restless. Should we make the most out of our free time or risk being seethed by the scourging temperature? We find ourselves bored stiff thinking of things to keep us active, happy or simply amused. Our minds end up exhausted thinking of a simple idea that could save us from our two-month damnation. But, often we wind up consumed by the impossible heat, lost in a vast pool of nothingness.

Once in a while we would chance upon certain ideas that would pop-up in our lethargic minds, but later on we decide to pass up the thought. At times we would try. We engage ourselves in fun and cool activities such as dance classes, swimming lessons, or even speed reading courses. On the first few days, we make ourselves believe that we enjoy our newfound activities. Come the second week, we are then too lazy to even imagine the thought of driving ourselves to our classes.

Every year we experience the same thing. We await this time of the year only to find ourselves gone in a drought state of mind. Then again, we ask ourselves: what is the purpose of the summer? It is the time of the year when we can finally sit back and enjoy the sun; it does not require us to employ our time on more activities. Summer is a time to rejuvenate, to unwind our coiled nerves and find our peace, even just for a month or two.

a moment like this

2006-04-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

I was just telling a friend how I have not yet come up with another entry since my last one a month ago or so. It is true that I, personally, am motivated to work under pressure. It occurred to me that interesting ideas arise at times when I’m busy stressing over home works, researches and projects.

Now that it is summer, free from the truck loads of school demands, I have all the time to bum around and brainstorm of anything to update my blog. However, due to unknown cosmic forces my brain can’t seem to function to even formulate a decent thought. Probably there is nothing to squeeze out even a single drop as my mind is also on vacation.

You might be wondering, what is this entry then? This entry did not sprout out of nowhere; this is under the influence of pressure. You see, tomorrow I have an engagement. By now I’m supposed to be asleep and resting. But then, I decided to grab this opportunity, at least to produce something out of my stagnant psyche.

Currently, I am in a very drowsy state, ready to climb under the blanket and start counting sheep, but I could not let this rare moment pass and forgo another possibility of a potentially substantial composition. True, there isn’t much sense and thought into this writing; it’s quite common and perhaps boring, but (hey) at least, now I have a new entry you people can read.

P.S.
This is probably my first and last entry for the break.

bakasyon

2006-03-28T07:04:00.000-08:00

sadyang napaka-init na ng panahon ngayon. gumising akong mayroong kakaibang lagkit at sakit ng ulo. pahiwatig lamang ito ng bakasyon. sa kadahilanang ito'y nawala ang init ng ulo sa kabila ng pumupulupot na init.

matagal na rin ang nagdaang panahon ng ako'y huling nakaranas ng bakasyon. sa kasamaang palad, hindi pa rin ako nakaaabot dito sa kadahilanang ako'y mayroong pang pasok. katal na katal na ko't hindi makapaghintay dahil alam kong ilang araw na lang akong nalalayo sa matagal ng inaasam na bakasyon.

sa baksyon hindi ko mawari kung anong aking maaring gawin, sa dami ng aking nais. sadyang hindi kakayanin ng isang buwan ang sayang aking pinapangarap na maisakatuparan, ngunit sapat na ito upang mayroong magawa sa ilan sa mga ito.

ngunit kailangan kong gumising sa katotohanan na ako'y mayroon pang tinatapos na gawaimbahay at mga nalalapit na mga pagsusulit. ako'y lubhang sabik lamang sa panahong malayo sa paaralan at kawala sa oras at obligasyon. kaya't heto't tatapusin ko na ang sulating ito at babalik sa aking gawain at sa gayo'y mapalapit na sa baksyong nasa tabi na lamang.

push the button

2006-03-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

i never thought i would ever find myself watching those silly koreanovelas every filipino has gone gaga over. i never considered myself as part of that demograph who indulge their primetime watching with those foreign shows.

to tell you honestly, i did, at least, once in my life tried. remember the show Lovers In Paris? who wouldn't. i was able to catch glimpses of a couple of episodes as i did my regular tv surfing. soon i just found myself locked on the tube watching it every (damn) single night. but then it was senior year and i got burdened with loads of school work, eventually luring me away from my guilty pleasure.

since then i was never again given even the smallest chance to watch a koreanovela. then came college. of course, during this period in a person's life, where he swims in a sea of different faces, he wouldn't know the people he'd get to hang with. funny thing, i happened to have made friends with a self-confessed koreanovela addict.(Diana Marie Tiu Centeno). thanks a lot! it was through her that i was once again re-introduced to this sensational world. i'm finally back in the game!

Kim Sam Soon airs on GMA, every weeknights at 10:30 pm. for about a month now this has been the focus of my daily primetime viewing. it has been a while that i was stuck with my regular tv shows that has eventually made me yawn and turn off the television. this sudden hook on this tv program has added variety and color to my once boring staring game.

koreanovelas were not my thing then, but i have gone to the next stage of penetrating through the wall that has kept me on the other side. for a second i have made it through, and it's a heck of an experience. now i belong. before i switch off the tube out of dispair, but now with the anticipation of new koreanovelas that continue to invade the screen i should hold back a little and push that damn button.

shut

2006-03-16T01:44:00.000-08:00

i have always been the friendly person that i am since i can remember. i can firmly say that i have never been bad, mean or whatsoever in my entire life. nobody's perfect, but i am certain about my claim.

i have always been the clown, making everybody laugh and just have fun. but then, for some strange reason, some people tend to hate me. i know i'm often exagerated, outspoken, opinionated and a serious kidder. however, you can't always take my word for the things i say. i know that i can't please everyone, but hey, this is too much. it's not the pleasing part that i am wondering about, its the hate i get. it's funny yet shrivelling to feel that by just being myself, being fun and loud (moderately), i get into different conflicts. it's exhausting to always hold everything in or to just let go because i can't avoid the reality that these people dislike me. i don't understand. i guess it's true that the nicer you are, the more conflicts that get in your way.

of all the confrontations i had this one instance blew me away. i was so shocked to hear from a friend how she despises the company she belongs to, specifically me. I'm LiKe DUH! what did i ever do to you. no matter how i show my appreciation and no matter how hard i stand up for you, you just don't see it. in fact, it turns into anger or disgust. i have never been insulted in my entire life. it's like i want to become mean like people are to me. it's so unfair to just do nothing and in effect, become the bad one.

you want a BITCH, ima give you one! )(*$&*&()!!!!

but then, better just keep my trap shut.

missed

2006-03-15T00:29:00.000-08:00

during my ealier years in grade school i have met this person. i could not say that he was nice nor that he was bad; he was practically somewhere in between. we started out ugly. there were constant petty fights and misunderstanding. but then came a time when we had tried to patch up things. soon, we became friends.

for a time there was a gap between us since we belonged to different sections the year after we had become classmates. then one day, we bumped into each other and decided to have a little chat and catch up on things that we've missed out on. i had fun that day. since then, slowly our friendship rekindled.

high school was no different except more fun. we remained friends and made some more. we went through though times together and also the best. we were never classmates but on free times, vacations, or any possible occassions,k we were often together. being the shy person that i am, have found the courage in him. it was when i was with him that i found the confidence to be myself or even to just walk the corridors (like a bitch).

then college came, we parted ways. surprisingly, communication weakened between the two of us. i guess, he has met new people whom he enjoyed so much that he has been busy to even remember me. i believe so. setting aside the drama. i do believe thst he has all the right reasons to enjoy college. from stories i hear, he is living his dream of high class socializing (i love it!). i am happy for him.

recently at a party we finally got together. we haven't seen each other for the longest time. i have seen that he has changed. the party went on, and for most of the time he was with his new friends. at times he managed to sit with us and had small chats and joke a little. but then he would go back and hang with the others. it kinda hurt.

he probably did not mean to leave us for his newfound folks, but then i have to face the fact that he has a different life now and new friends. he has not fogetten me, but has moved on without me.

i did not know that the day would come that i'd be writing about him. he would probably love this, i'm certain. i just wish i could bring back the old times. i miss you.

p.s.

if you know who you are, holler!

i dream of geisha

2006-02-26T06:12:00.000-08:00

From the time I saw the trailer of the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha, I was enthralled to go and read the novel. I know for a fact that the written versions are always better than the ones on screen. I guess, in novels no one has to really rush things and contain stories in a short span of time. Every detail is meticulously stated to further play with the reader’s imagination. But then, movies spoon feed the mind. It imagines for you. I love it!

Before I watched the movie, I was actually reading the novel, though i have barely reached half of it. As i watched the film, I was fascinated that I was actually watching what I was reading. I haven’t gone far with reading yet to be in the position to compare the film with the book. However, as far as I know, I appreciated what I saw.

Ratings have shown disappointing results regarding the portrayal on the silver screen. Friends even said the same. Was it really worth watching? For me it was worth the time and every peso.

Wow is probably not the word I would use to describe the movie, but overall it was decent a film. The whole movie was fluid all throughout. There were no tensed moments or climaxes as I may say. It had instances of conflicts but was never really complicated. Along with that, scenes were portrayed magnificently colorful. I was brought into a different fragment in time, in the olden Japan, a Japan that of a painting. And with each girl that transformed from plain canvases to enchanting porcelain dolls as with each flap and swirl of a fan, I was encapsulated in the moment. That did the trick for me.

The story told the life of a geisha; not merely of a specific one, Sayuri. It was a chronicle of a magical world, worlds apart from man. It was a perpetual play, from beginning to end. It was fantasy but reality. At the same time, It was a cursed life; a life that was dead from conception. But beyond that, I experienced a lifetime in an hour or so, and lived a life of a geisha.

With the film’s simplicity and vagueness I was able to live an unfamiliar life, a fairytale at that. I was able to recognize as a common viewer and not as a serious critic or as hardcore spectator. It allowed me to stretch my imagination to new heights without sacrificing my sanity. That is probably the best a movie can offer.

Screw the ratings! I love Memoirs of a Geisha, the movie.

blank

2006-02-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

today is three days after my birthday, and this is my first blog entry so far. i'm sitting here in front of the computer and i have typed my fourth try at this entry. my brian can't seem to function because of the typing sounds i hear around me, or probably because the couch is just far too distant from the computer that i have to stretch my entire torso towards the computer screen.

at times when i am alone, i get inspired to just write and conceptualize my blog entries. i get excited with my ideas that i keep on going and going until i finally arrive at a decently acceptable story. but often i get too lazy to just grab a pen and write it down; and i blame computers for it! days would pass before i finally end up facing the computer screen to input what i had in mind. then finally i would just loose it!

everything that i have sought and planned are gone, or at least, most of it. i stare at a blank page, and try a few words to type. nothing really happens, just a few messy phrases here and there. i end up with a silly and scattered composition, plain and bland - DELETE.

i started out this entry with my birthday experience, but i just don't have my ideas with me at the moment. my mind is constantly flying everywhere and i just can't seem to find my center. until, i have probably produced, finally, a complete entry.

i end here. (blank)

older

2006-02-17T05:49:00.000-08:00

this is my last few days as an 18 year old.

this would be my last year as a teen.

i'm scared of growing up.

Happy Birthday to me.

a year OLDER.

i'm ready

2006-02-08T18:29:00.000-08:00

i was hopping through a couple friewnds' blogs, when i saw this entry regarding his math test. then it came to me that when i'm back in the Ateneo, i'd be reunited with my favorite subject, again (sarcastic tone).

i was never really built for math. i guess i'm more inclined to my artistic side. i'd rather paint or do crafts than solve impossible math problems. and even at my present course, i seem to enjoy the fact that math is not a major subject. in fact, we're done with it, and all we took up was basic high school algebra.

i remember when i was in high school, i experienced how to fail. it was defintely hard for me. i would normally cry and just tried destroyingmy algebra books. i just became an agry person. but i'm glad that i have gone through it . in spite of the my lack of math in me, i do know its relevance to my life; i know that the day would come that i'd thank this subject.

now that i'm in a different school with a completely opposite curriculum, i realized that i've been missing on a lot of it. after seeing my friend's entry i couldn't help but react to it.

when the time comes, i'd be studying in my old school again with the same math, except harder. there's only one thing i can say to that - BRING IT ON!

missing piece

2006-01-20T04:19:00.000-08:00

i called a friend today who i haven't talked to in a while. it was really happy to finally catch up on the latest news and stories - nothing special, just the same old stuff we hear from each other. i was enjoying our conversation, when he mentioned to me this, " i spent the whole day with..." i became silent for a moment. i tried to absorb and let the words sink in.

it is sad that i am missing on a lot. words can't express how emotional drained i am from feeling this. it is so hard to hear that i can't be a part of those experiences knowing that i am cities away. those times when you do crazy things to spend a little quality time with your best friends.

then i went through a friend's blog and saw that she was similarly experiencing the same hearrtache. although she was worlds apart. but i guess, distance doesn't really matter when you miss someone. you just miss them when you're not with them. however she ended with a line that said, maybe that's what God wanted to happen. end of discussion.

God is merciful. he knows what lies in the deepest regions of the heart. even one cannot fathom how he or she really wants. but there will come a time when it will be unlocked, and God will hear you; HE listens.

a big part of me is definetely missing but that piece would be put back in its rightful place at the right time, in God's time.

back

2006-01-16T06:13:00.000-08:00

home is where the heart is.

back then, encountering this quote, the the thing that comes in mind is the movie done by Natalie Portman. i haven't actually got the chance in time to ever watch that movie. but it has managed to create this recall. it was only recently when i came to know what this simple phrase meant.

yesterday, January 15, 2006, i took the ACET for the second time. i was back in the past. i was back in the grounds where i lived most of my life. none of it seemed new. there was a feeling of relief and a soft bliss; i was home. i walked pass some of my previous classrooms. i saw no changes except for the banners hung on the windows, the reminders on the board and some clutter. i was taken back to a year ago where i was busy learning trigonometry, arriving from the exhausting trip from TD... there was bittersweet sensation.

as i sat in a classroom and took my test, i can't help but take quick glimpses of the surroundings. i saw the trees, the plants, the landscape that i've once looked at and admired a year back. it was the scenery which rid me of all problems and bothers i had then. for a time there, i forgot i was ever gone from that place. it was only when i realized i was taking the test that i knew it has been a long time.

leaving was such pain. it broke my heart to leave that place i considered my second home. a home away from home. however, there is a spark of hope in me. i might be coming back. thinking again, i am coming back!

home is where my heart is.

pols alarm!

2005-12-21T05:02:00.000-08:00

last tuesday was the day of our course cards distribution. all along it though it was wednesday, so i was just slacking and taking my time. then i heard from somebody that it was actually on tuesday. i didn't have gifts yet for my friends so i had to go to the mall as early as possible. and that i did. i was so harassed with what i did, with the rushed shopping, wrapping and what have you. then i had to take this 1 hour and 30 minute bus ride to school.

i was able to go to the last course card, Alge101. i got the 2.5 card. yey! i didn't have any grade lower than 2.0. pde pa kong mag-DL. so i thought, that was a good gift for christmas. i was in a very good mood. then we exchanged gifts. i didn't really expect to get those presents but i tried to appreciate them. haha!

then today, i decided to compute for my actuall GPA. poor me, i got 2.9 something... i just needed .1. so all the big excitement was flushed down the toilet. i had very high hopes and suddenly all of it - gone.

but hey, there's still next term. i hafta prove mah self!

2005-12-05T06:14:00.000-08:00

christmas is just around the corner. it's 20 days before that day to be exact. but honestly, i don't seem to feel the christmas spirit. since our house has been decorated with christmasy goodness, with the tree, the lights and the glitters, i still can't seem to find it in my heart the holiday spirit.

as a kid growing up in a tight-knit family, i've always had with me fond memories of Christmas. when i see the lights showered all over the metro, and feel the cool ssensation of the cold breeze at night, i knew that it is the time of the season to be jolly. then during the eve of december 25, we've always celebrated it as a whole family. of course, the gift-giving has always been the higlight!

now that i've grown up, things have slightly, with the lack of a perfect term, changed. growing up i've experienced the buzz of living and the lows of it all. i know that life is hard. and i guess, it is because of this that people couldn't get the perfect chance to enjoy the season.

but as i sit here and write about this christmas gloom, i can't help but feel guilty for feeling this way. christmas only comes once a year, why not make the most out of it? it's the only time of the year where we can forget our hardships and our differences and just be merry. besides, christmas is not really about us, but the commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ. hence CHRISTmas. so invert the frown and turn it into a smile.

Merry Christmas to all!

jack's stones

2005-11-24T06:35:00.000-08:00

before i start studying for school tom, i have to make this last delay; have to post an entry.

after killing this ipis with my chucks, i can't help but wonder with the day that has been. (connection?)

it was my first time to go to Star City, the Philippine's Disneyland. well, i guess not. i was kinda hessitant at first, knowing that i have lots of things to worry about for the next day. but with the persuasive powers of my lovable (not!) friends, i was forced to tag along.

and so i entered the wonderful world of Star City. the moment i stepped in, i saw the sight of the colorful tiangge. as we strolled along the stalls before entering the main area, i happened to see what i was looking for for the past few weeks, jackstones. "for sure, bibilin ko yan later!"

so my friends and i rode a couple of rides with minimal safety features. then after the third ride, we stopped. then, we entered a horror house. i didn't get to see much. i was busy cowering at the back of MARCIA screaming my heart out with every swhoosh of the obviously fake ghosts. but they got me! haha! then i just got exhausted.

i got the jackstones - yey! i was excited as i though about the fun i'd have playing my new set of jackstones. it was quite a while since i last played with it. i forgot to mention how embarassingly good i am at playing that girlish game. haha!

and so the next day, i brought the jackstones along with me. my first playmate was KIZIA. she was just so excited to try playing it for the first time in her 17 years living on this planet. welcome to the club kizia! every move she made was followed by a screeching scream. thanks ha! she was just to eager to learn it. good thing i was there to teach her a thing or two. master, what can i say? duh! then later on people have joined in the fun... the party animals played along and so did MARY, DI, and JOY (relax lang.) it was so much fun. at the end of the day, i just got sick of playing jackstones.

todays was the next day. i still borught along with me the jS. guess what, the first thing i did in school was play JS with MARY and JANA. thanks ah! dismissal, ayun rin! ndi na natapos. wala!

you know what, all those years that i have been playing with this game, i never really knew how to spell jackstones. even up to now, i'm not sure if i'm spelling it correctly. but as long as u guys understand, it's fine by me!

aral na ako. i-wish niyo na lang ah!

baldado

2005-11-20T04:07:00.001-08:00

it's been a couple of entries since i last wrote something that was actually fun (for a change). finally, i've come to realize that since christmas is just around i'm gonna stop dwelling in misery and start enjoying life. i'm not gonna ruin this once-a-year event that i've been waiting for since last december 26.

saturday, NSTp day. normally, i'd be cranky and devastated on fridays because i know the next day would be for that course. it's just unfair that i can't have saturdays for myself. and nothing has changed this saturday. in fact, i had to wake-up extra early because we have this outreach thing that i wasn't really sure of.

we went back to the our assigned families in baranggay tagumpay. it wasn't that bad. i actually had fun meeting the children i've met before. this time we were given the chance to teach them. it was fun to feel the TD spirit back. it was something i really enjoyed- teaching. then it was time to go.

out of my friends' spontaneity we decided to head to gateway since it was near the area. go team! it was practically the whole block who came to that mall. although we weren't avtually together. but there were unexpected instances when we would be at the same places. talk about block connection! hehe!

after lunch at CHicken Inasal, Ariane, Clarence, Kizia, Jana and I (by class number.) went to a bookstore since nothing was really happenning at that time. yawn. then we went to the mrt station to bring clarence to the train but the rest of us decided to stay behind and look for some action. bye clarence.

our first stop was the araneta mall. who would have thought that we would be found hanging out there. but there wasn't really anything left to do is there? we were looking for karaoke bars to get our vocal stylings at work. but unlucky us, we didn't find any suitable places. (standards, u know.) we didn't know where we were going but suddenly we find this toy store (toy palace) and decided to crash it. We had a blast there! we played with the toys. probably we just missed our childhood. we played with all sorts of toys and jana and i bought these ball thingies that made sounds once bounced. cool inexpensive toys. haha!

out the mall we go... on the way back to gateway. but no, jana had to spot this ride from fiesta carnival.i wasn't really sure of this but what the heck, lets try it! haha! we went to the ride. as we got there we were suprised to see a couple more of rides. we wanted to try them! hah! thrill-seeking.

tagadisco was the best. this ride was the best ride i've ridden. aside form the thrill rides give me, it was more of a work-out. love it! it's like a big bowl u enter. with no protective devices this ride just goes rounc and bounce like you're being mixed inside a bowl or something. but it was great. it was really something. we kept on laughing and grabbing for dear life (kizia!)

then we rode the anchor's away version of the theme park. i did not have fun there. but the point was i loved the earlier ride. haha!

the following day, my body started to ache all over. it was because of the ride. it felt like i did weigths in the gym. i loved the feeling. i started to feel the urge to enroll in a gym. i felt healthy so i did hoolah hoops. duh!

so basically my story's going everywhere. this is free writing. ha! well, it feels good to be writing happy moments although it's not organized. well, baldado na siguro ung girl wearing yellow!

baldado

2005-11-20T04:07:00.000-08:00

christmas blues

2005-11-15T04:22:00.000-08:00

as i rode the bus to school, i heard on the tv that it was only 40 days before christmas. the holidays is definitely near, but people don't really seem to feel the spirit of the season because of the fast-paced life they are in. but it took me that moment to finally realize that christmas is just around the corner.

during the bus ride on the way home, i mentioned christmas to my friend sitting beside me. the conversation led to our own versions and fun memories of the yultide season. then it struck me. this was my first ever christmas away from the Ateneo. here i go again. once i again i dwell in the past and be miserable for the moment. but (i am sorry) i can't help it. after all this was a first after a long time.

this year, i would miss the christmas student-made decors and the holiday jingles being played along the corridors of the Ateneo. i would miss the events that would be held during the christmas season, the concenrts, class competitions, carollings. especially, i would miss the people whom i've celebrated christmas parties with for most of my years. i'd surely miss a lot and it's hard for me to take in this first. this year, i'd be along a different corridor, i'd be introduced to new events and i'd be celebrating with new people.

maybe this year wouldn't be so bad. i come to realize that maybe this a chance to experience something new. it's not like i was deprived of happiness or friends. this year i would be sharing the christmas season with a bunch of news.

slowly i'm trying to sink in everything and rid myself of the heartache. christmas is a time of peace, love and joy. and maybe next year, who knows, i'd be back in the old corridors singing carols with my friends.

dent.

2005-11-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

the mere mention of this person's name makes me wind up in a frenzy of curses. i can't stand it! the worst part is people around me like this person. but for what? i'm clueless, kindly school me on this!

from the start i had this uneasy feeling towards this person. i tried to somehow look past the negativity and channel my inner friendliness with that hope that i can be at ease with him.

there have been instances where i'd really drop everything behind; leave what was done. i stoop down to that level that is beneath me. finally i made this move to somehow start anew. i wanted to pretend and make myself believe that everything was just a misunderstanding. but i guess, this person was just too selfish and superficial. i do know that what this person portrays is not what this person is in all honesty made of. this person's all drama and bullcrap. but i guess people are too blind and naive to see this whole play he puts up.

from the start i've been wandering in a constraint life wishing that all this is just a bad dream i could wake-up from. then this person comes in (i don't know how) and manages to ruin my life more. i do not understand why i would have to expereince and put up with this person of pure negative vibe.

after what i have said and done, i want to be sorry for everything. all i wanted was to release what i've been holding back. i do want to resolve this. but how do i bridge this gap that is constantly growing? i ask for God's intervention, and i pray that one day everything would be ok.

evil has returned

2005-11-08T08:25:00.000-08:00

yes, after two weeks bored to tears with the on-and-on routine of daily living trying to be a beter person (trying.) marcia has returned from her province. i admit that i am really glad she's returned. marcia more than a friend has become my strength in school. people wouldn't automatically absorb this, with the constant petty fights we get ourselves into because of our intense spontaneous pinions regarding things. as impossible as it may sound, true enough marcia's my angel. we might not have the same concept of our relationship but this is how i see her. though she provokes me to reveal my dark side, she somehow gives me the courage to face pressures with a firm stand. she pushes me to be myself and fight for what i believe in.

adjustment takes forever with the constant problems i encounter unexpected especially with people. marcia's the only one i confide to in cases like these because though she seems blank in giving my advice, a part of me is strengthens and deals with it, no matter how bad the situation might get. but the best part with our relationship is that we know how to laugh at our naughty peeves and live on, chin up.

marcia might not be the perfect friend, but she is the perfect backbone, to guide me and continue with what life may bring.

thanks marcia, and welcome back!

3rd entry at 12:04 am and sleepy

2005-11-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

it's my third entry today at 12:04 in the morning and i'm sleepy but i got to blog this.

i came across a good friend's blog and i can't help but think i am so far away from him that all the clues are new to me. i don't know that it's too selfish that i am thinking of my loss again instead of his which probably weighs more. but i wasn't given the chance to talk it over with him. once i almost did but it lead to nothing. i knew this was going to happen. you cannot compte with Him. you don't pick what you want to believe in.

i hope that even for one day all the heartache of mankind would go away and come again another day. if its possible. *sigh*

i wish i could go back and be the friend that i was to you before. i am.

bangs-o-rama

2005-11-05T07:41:00.000-08:00

ariane got bangs just now. andie got hers years after i asked her to. finally!

finally the people who didn't get bangs before had their hair cut with prettiful bangs. yey to bangs!

Living the Past

2005-11-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

i was off to meet my aunt at Robinson's Galleria to go malling when i recieved this text message from a former classmate. i totally forgot, i had a date with my high school block that day! with no hesitation, i asked my mom to bring me to the reunion after the mall. (duh!)
then came a sudden trip down to memory lane. it just so happened that the place of our reunion was in the village where i used to live for about 12 years. before heading to my classmate's house, my mom, brother and i decided to have a look-see of our old house. tension built up inside of me and probably my mon and brother too. finally, after 3 long years, we were going to see at least a glimpse of our old home. there it was, the bungalow we used to live in. it was basically the same with only minor touch-ups made by the new owners. i still remember every single detail of that house. and i can't believe that someone else is living there and not us. it's hard. even up to now i still wish that we are just in very long trip and one day we will return home.
it was ernie's house next. we arrived at house uncertain whether it was really that house we were suppossed to be. my mom asked me to ring the dorrbell to find out. what surprised me were about ten doorbells lined up in front of me. which to press? the smart thing was to press the one with the letter A inscribed on it. usually it's the first one to the main dorrbell. (ha!)
i sat along with my classmates on the dinner table and had a couple of follow-up conversations with them. it was fun finally being able to hang-out with them after long gruelling months away. the "I" feeling was back. then we decided to go for a swim at the clubhouse. i had lots of childhood memories in that clubhouse. that was where i first learned how to swin and where i used to take tennis lessons. finally i was back to savor another good memory, now with my friends.
after swimming we headed back to ernie's house and took a shower after the short swim. then we just enjoyed the rest of the time hangin' out on the rooftop eating barbecue and drinking (just drinking.) or playing with ernie's computers in his room. then it was time to go.
that date with the i-boys definetely was great. i was happy to once again visit the place where i grew up and to reunite once again with my high school buds. i know it only comes once in a blue moon but it's worth to wait. i just wish that everything would be the way it was before. *sigh!*

bring back the wOw in Philippines

2005-10-29T03:06:00.000-07:00

it has been an eternal struggle in our beloved country. for centuries we have been deprived of our own resources. and now that we are free from the clutches of our past conquerors, our country has been replaced with corrupt leaders. because of these unfortunte circumstsances we face, the Philippines has been held back and pulled down the drain.

it has not really occured to me that i live in a third-world country. i believe it is because we filipinos are so used to eclipsing our own realities that we are masked of the dirt that has accumulated around us. but despite this, we are still drawn to the sad truth that our country is in a fact a wasteland.

behind the smog of the urban areas, the trash that's plaguing the rivers, the poverty that lurks in every corner, we possess a country filled with unseen potential beauty. places from the different parts of the island contain treasures that we should proudly exhibit. the beauty of our people who inhabit the Philippines should exude their talents and harness their genuine values of warmth and hospitality. Appreciate and we should then see.

most Filipinos see the Philippines as something dreadfully shameful. as mean as it may seem, we filipinos neglect our own responsibility toward our land. let us break free of our own secured cocoons and see the beauty that lies hidden in this island that we were born in and once again let us try to bring back its original state - a tropical paradise. then we can progress to a well-developed nation that we continue to aspire.

true, that most of us grew up being blind to the shamful realities we are in. though, we grow slowly learning of the negativity and then hating our country. but now that we gradually open our eyes, let us grasp our country's wonders. with that new-found love should stem a sense of resposnsiblity of reviving the country from it's ill state and one day we shall birng honor back to our beloved Philippines.

i miss U

2005-10-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

as i sat along the floor of yuchengco along with hundreds of screaming lasallians, despite the big fuss, i can't help but feel sad. i realized that i am now cheering for the la salle team; i'm no longer an atenean.

as i got on the bus with my friend, i remember asking her, " what did i do to deserve being a lasallian?" i know, it such a hurtful thing to say, but honestly, that's how i feel as of the moment.

since the beginning, i'm not that certain, but i think things have been going pretty well for me. i guess those were signs. it's like those signs were telling me that i should stay in la salle. i mean, i have a good set of friends, i had lots of new experiences. what more would i want, right? but i guess, the atenean in me is still alive and forever will be.

for days, i've been dreaming about ateneo and my friends there. and these past few days, i've been kinda cranky and glommy at school. i don't really feel that happy anymore.

i just wish that i could go back to ateneo, and i'm sure i will be happy again.

nangungulila

2005-10-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

a long time has passed, and i did not realize that the longing is still there
days, months, weeks, trying to let go of what was left behind
but i still hang on and dream
i dream that the day would come where i can find this certain bliss
i cannot put into words how i feel
but the gesture of tears says enough
something holds me back, but for what, i do not know
as each day passes, the hurt intensifies
not even the temporary happiness can pasify
i yearn for the blue. i yearn.

love bus

2005-10-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

bad is what's cool. this is probably how most people of this century view life. they succumb to the temptation of sin in order to be considered "in" within social clusters. it's rare that we see acts of kindness and love.

i for one consider myself as conservative in a sense that i value the true meaning of what is right or acceptable. i believe that christian values are the real "in" thing to do.

it was a regular day for me. partly bored, living in the same routine, i started the day. i rode the bus on my way to school. as the bus stopped to let in passengers, a family of three came; a father a mother and a baby. they seemed to belong to the lower classes. i noticed that the baby had this some sort of dissability or abnormality. he had a chord with a contraption attached to his nose. based on what i saw, it was related to his breathing. i was somewhat disturbed or felt pitty at this sight.

i looked over to my left and started listening to my ipod. i pretended to ignore what i saw. but i couldn't help but oversee what happened. as the father prepared the money to pay the fare, the conductor appraoched the man. "ipinagbayad na ho kayo ng babae sa harap." said the conductor.

it suddenly struck me. a woman, a stranger to the family, has offered a small amount and paid for the fare of the family. she didn't even introduced herself or asked for recognition.

i was very happy to have witnessed this big act of kindness with a small deed.

in a world were most belittle kindness, i encountered this small act with a big impact. i then felt this hope that there is still a possiblity that mankind would come to its senses. we can all be good someday.

fickling part 2

2005-09-09T01:43:00.000-07:00

(monchet and andrew. taken from wheel of fate, enchanted kingdom 2005)

i am in such dilemma.

this past 2 weeks have been really dragging. there was simply nothing (there is a serious emphasis) to do! all i did was stare at my computer for the longest time. all i got from it was radiation and pimple breakouts. i had plans to divert my tendencies towards the computer, but all were unsuccessful. well, i'm too lazy to do anything else; even the simplest gesture of taking bathes. argh!

well today was no different, but it was kinda worse. well i am faced with two options of spending my day. this was really tiring, deciding what to go with. i am the most fickle-minded person i know!

option 1: i am going to marix and meet up with my bestfriend. (hi andrew!) we would buy DVD (fake lang nmn...shame...) and go striaght to their house for a movie marathon.

option 2: i would stay home do nothing, but tomorrow, go to Ek with GmG family. whew!

what do i choose?! well, i've made the decision but i'm still uncertain with what i feel. what's making this decision making process harder is the fact that i have a shitty new sked for this term. i have saturday classes. that changes everything. weekends are suppossed to be for leisure and time for gimmicks and stuff, but not this time.

thinking about it, i probably need that adrenaline boost from the rides in Encha. gusto ko nmn malula para magising ang katawan ko! pde ba!

kiss, kiss and more kiss

2005-09-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

three days ago the gMg family had it's annual Ltts. at first it was a drag and it seemed it won't go well for me.. well, it turned out to be a hella good fun! there was lots of kissing involved.

1st kiss: we had a game. tell the person to your right that part of his/her body that you don't like. then we were asked to kiss that part. i happened to say that i hate her teeth. so i had to kiss them. (hi clarence!)

2nd kiss: we had another game - suck and blow. this one grossed me out! wahaha! well, i wasn't that of a sucker (lol!) so a couple of times i would drop the card and, yes, kiss the people who blew the card to me. to bad, i wasn't able to brush my teeth that night, there was no water!

3rd kiss: i had found out that before leaving gmg, you have to kiss the whole group. so kiss kiss kiss! tsup tsup tsup! mwah!

it was too much kissing for me but i had fun!

one of them <--

2005-08-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

"you're one of the girls!", my friends would say. i'm in total denial of that. i'm not one of anything! i'm just me.

sometimes i love the world, and then there are times when i don't. ( i shouldn't be blogging this out since i'm in a good mood... well anyway.)

yesterday, i was at a party. my cousin had this friend over. he was like freakin' ^%$^%$%$%#!!!****!!!!! i would love to kill him! (that's bad...awww!) since he came there, i was all nice and all to him. i tried entertaining him since he was a friend of family. but there came a time when he was trippin'. don't be playin' dirty with me bitch! he was making these remarks about me. of course, he was trying to be indirect aobut it, using signals and gestures and all. i mean, do you think i'm stupid?! you are the stupid one! but i just walked out. my cousin was with him the whole time but they just didn't know that i was completely aware of what they were talking about. hello, through the years of this bull, i think i know what's going on; i know when i'm talked about and what about. i'm just trying to hide it. but yeah.... my life's like that.

i just wish that there would come a time when i could jsut be myself without anybody judging me. i'm not what you think i am. i don't want to prove anything anymore. i just want to be happy.

now i'm all sad. there's a point everyday that a person gets depressed according to a councilor. well, i'm just trying to be me and happy about it. i don't know! arrrggh! it's truly complicated! life's a b*tch! no it's not! i don't know...

What a Bore (yAwN)

2005-08-26T16:44:00.000-07:00

now i have nothing to do and yet i couldn't think of a good entry for my blog. it's like m brain can't function well after all the schooling.

it's the first day of the term break. there's nothing much to do but bum around. we are the only school in the world with a termbreak. it's good that we have a rest period after a tiring term, but who do we spend it with while everyone's still busy doing what they do? it feels likemy world just stopped.

i've been planning on lots of things to do, scrapbooking, video making, reading, movie marathon. i can't seem to do anything. but i can't do any of them. scrapbooking; i don't have materials, video making; not enough files, reading; no book to read (haven't gone out to buy yet), movie marathon; DVD's broken.

honestly, i believe it's just the lazy in me that's holding me back on all these activities. i just sit here and type my day away. (ym, blog, surf...)

it's 4:34 pm and i haven't taken a bath yet. i'm sticky, sweaty, oily at the same time. i'm to tired to even think about taking a bath. oh well, i have 2 weeks ahaed of me. hopefully i can find a way to entertain myself - alone. ;(

2005-08-18T04:31:00.000-07:00

mary-kate and ashley are probably the most powerful twins in the universe. they have their own multi-billion dollar empire. how cool is that?!

why can't we be all m-k and As?

let's hug!

you make me feel like i . . .

2005-07-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

sitting here at the verge of exploding into a poOp exhibition, i can't help but blog out the day that has been.

it was normal wednesday, with the regular half-day sked. normally, we would go to Jana's condo and just chill and watch movies. but today turned out different. Jino, whose mom is a producer of this video, asked us to play "extras" in the shoot. with money at hand, we didn't hesistate.

we got there unaware of what was to happen. all we saw were production praphernalias (not sure of spelling) and a couple of prod people getting ready. then came barbie with some of the cast members of the video.

at first, only the girls were asked to play a scene. i was kinda sad not being able to do something (money). instead i just sat there, waiting and waiting.

i can't help it anymore, i joined the next scene. it went pretty well. then the next scenes came. basically all we did was walk and be naturale (hmm.. hard).

everyone in the shoot were nice, the set ppl, the prod ppl and even the cast. barbie was kind and we asked her a few questions and that was that. also, Kizia, Jana and me, started talking to the guy from Ohio, Sam. well, it was really interesting. nothing really special but (duh) they were starts nontheless. Sieze the moment!

but what made our day was the best part - the payment. we got a thousand bucks from our stint.

til' the next shOot!

diet

2005-07-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

why is there so much pressure in being thin?

probably i'm in the stage of my teen years were i face a diet phase. i am not the fat guy nor the skinnny one. but, for years i have strived so much to put out a lot of unwanted weight. but i guess the "matakaw" in me always wins.

all i can say is that it's hard. there are lots of temptation all around me -junk food, fried food, food food... i can go on. but i continue to struggle.

i can hear my stomach ask for food, "grrrOwl.." but i'm on a diet. why do i punish myself?

thinking about it, i am lucky that i am able to eat whatever and whenever i want to. but what do i do? i waste the blessings. i ignore them. many people strive and eat on garbage. maybe, dieting isn't such a good practice. maybe i should just regulate my eating - eat healthier, eat just the right amount.

eating should be free for everyone. i love eating!

i'm a go get me some foOD!

3rd Level

2005-06-16T03:48:00.000-07:00

life has been good to me. god has been good to me.

for weeks i've endured a painful adjustment - from blue blood to green. it has been a brutal process, killing me softly but surely. to tell you the truth, the transition was not as bad as i expected.

from the start i've kinda enjoyed it. i loved the company of the new wonderful people i met. they have been coOl. in a couple of days, new friends came my way.

now i found a click that i love and enjoy. these ppl are marciA, ariane, gino, kizia, clarence, jana. there are others that are also close to my heart, kim, tracey, ikca, malia, jaja, sara r., though they have other companies as well. i want to thank these people. they don't know how happy i am that i see them everyday. they are my playmates!

i guess it is too early to say this but these people are my friends. as early as now, i know that they are true. each one of us, though different from the other, share a common love - friendship.

fun is the word that can best describe this new found group. that is what we are good at today and forever will be.

3rd level na itoh! woOoah!

LR_19 . . .

do me DSL style

2005-06-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

for months of minumum speed, now at top capacity - wow! (hyping things up a lil bit)

life has never been easy when it comes to computers. you see, i'm not the techy type. i am just a person who maximizes the perks of the power of high technology through the net. chatting and blogging is what i am best at.

computer's really simple, simple until complications arise! aside from the regular viruses we accumulate with the different search engines we explore, there's this thing called speed. what i mean by speed is the speed of the internet connection. life's a bitch if you are left with no other option but to use pre-paid. it dreads me so much to even say that word. but there's just no choice in life for everyone.

in college, internet is our life-line. (so true) i am so puzzled that schools nowadays are so dependent on the net while not everyone is accessible to it. (konti lang kming rich. echOs!) being the pre-paid user that i am, i sometimes rely on internet shops. and seeing these cafes and shops reminds me of the burden of assignments and requirements. it's like a force pulls me to the direction of the computers whenever they are near.

at long last, i am back in the game! just today, as i was trying to get as much rest as i can, my dad approched me. the news that made my day came, " anak, meron nang DSL..." i was pretending to keep my cOoL, but i just can't. i was holding my self, exploding inside with excitement and extreme relief.

now, i'm enjoying the speed of each "enter" i make. wow, every page appears in about 2 seconds. it's like - magic! i'm defenitely back in action!

kizia viewing purposes

2005-06-09T06:23:00.000-07:00

Music is a one of the most intricate forms of art. It is a talent that only a few can fully manipulate and

express. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was one of the chosen people who possessed such a gift. He

was respected and well acclaimed for his superior talent in the field of music. I believe that his

whole life has greatly influenced his music.

Music is an expression and reflection of one’s self. Mozart is no different from any man. Through his music his whole being is expressed through each single note in his works of art. It is evident in each of his compositions his spunk and spontaneity. With each switch and turn of emotions in his compositions, this side of him was felt. His depth as a gifted artist is also perceived in his music. The elaborate mixtures of tones, melodies and beats in his works prove this. Though sometimes as audiences to his masterpieces, we tend to overlook every feeling hidden inside his works. There might be angst, satisfaction, trouble, wonder in them, though we as perceivers are not aware of. It is because we do not fully understand the mind of this genius. But who does completely understand anyone?

Mozart’s life has been put into context in every composition he made. Being the wiz that he is in music, truly did his life influenced his art. Every experience good or bad, happy or sad appeared in each one. Through the complexity and emotion of his works, it has been visible. He has played his short but extraordinary life through his performance, his shows and concerts. Does the biography of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart support his music? I say, yes.

bearer of bad luck.

2005-06-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

as i stand here in cybernook, i can't help but think about what happened last night. i guess, i wouldn't be able to forget it my whole life. it's that bad...(well, maybe for others it's not but to me it is!)

last night as i was getting rest as much as i can, a friend of mine called. believe me or not, i dreaded ever talking to this person. it's because he's plain mean. everytime we talk it's like sinning and all he is is bad news. well moving on....

so a couple of "okrays" here a acouple of "okrays" there. (can't stand it anymore.) i was just quiet the whole time. i just responded, "sama" or "ok" every other word. a few more minutes and i was going to hang-up!

it's a good thing that La Salle is slowly growing on me. i was happy with the company i have. everyday was ok for me.

at last the news that wrecked my good mood came. you see my blockmate is the cousin of this friend i was talking to. he told me that a couple of days ago, they had seen each other in a reunion. his brother who happens to know me asked this blockmate if he knows of a person named Martin Dimalanta. the good person my blockmate was, responded, "yung ba***?"

i've been getting that impression for like my whole life. well, i can't really blame them because i might be somewhat feminine or maarte at times. (because i grew up in a family of girls...-long story!) so what i do is just ignore those nasty comments. but since i'm in a new school trying to adjust, i just can't take any of those bull. and to think i don't know this guy and suddenly i'm hearing from someone bad things he says about me. duh!it really hurts. maybe people at school really think of me that way, but at least they just keep it to themselves. this guy i don't even know and he's judging me already. i just don't understand...

good thing does happen to good people. (that's me!) so i told this to my bestfriend. he told me something that can help me get over this. he said, "martin, wag ka ng mabahala sa mga taong ganyan.... alam, kong nagugulat ka kasi ikaw you understand. there are just some people who are not sensitive enough. let's just leave it to the lord. " true enough.... ipauubaya ko na lang ito sa panginoon.

living the green life

2005-05-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

A week of green and who said I wouldn’t be able to stand it? Luckily, I survived.

For about eleven years of my life, I’ve been an Atenean. Who would have thought that one day I would be in green? Because of certain misfortunate events in my life, I was forced to enter the school that diehard, loyal Ateneans dreaded so much – La Salle. I wouldn’t be surprised how people on both sides would react to me. These two schools have been rivals for like decades and forever will be.

In my first few days in La Salle, I wouldn’t really say that it has been hard. Aside from those people who tend to ridicule me for my blue background, I can say that it has been fun. Though, I admit that the adjusting process is still taking its place. I guess, from that start I knew that it wouldn’t be as easy, but the Lord is really good. From the day I knew I was going to this new school, he backed me up with a friend (hey wobs!) And it did help me gradually accept things. Along with that, he has given me new friends that I believe would be great companions in my stay in La Salle. I am so thankful for these people. I guess you would think it’s too really to say this but I do believe in them.

It has only been a week. Who knows what would be in store for me but I know that I would make it.

Animo La Salle!

2005-04-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

mah sistahs... well, actually these two are my cousins but since they were babies, i've come to know them as my sisters. and that's really how they are to me. lave yah both!

ADOBE

2005-04-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

Sitting here in front of the computer, watching Clean House, I’m bored to tears. The curse of the summer syndrome has once again struck. The time when I acquired consciousness was when I started to realize boredom. I don’t know if it’s the effect of the changing hormonal structure of my body or it’s just the mentally draining, dehydrating, summer heat.

Because of this never-ending mystery of boredom, I was forced to work on Adobe. For those of you who aren’t aware, Adobe is a computer program used to manipulate pictures to give them style and pizzazz.

A couple of years using this program were not enough time to fully grasp its concepts and operation. Well, experiencing each function and tool that comes with the program has surely made me venture and helped me end-up with experimental projects. (keri lang!) Every now and then I manage to go through its purpose and construct new innovations with certain pictures. I’ve managed to spice up each photo with various effects and retouches.

Not until a couple of days ago have I attained the long goal of achieving this certain look my friend and I have been wondering about. I was on the phone with another friend and just playing with this photo in Adobe when I accidentally operated this function and to my surprise lead me to this effect I’ve been wanting. Unfortunately, the interference of the phone conversation was powerful enough to lessen my focus on the screen of the computer, making me forget the whole process.

To my disappointment, I tried every button in Adobe just to achieve that look I was into. I tried clicking on the history icon – no help! Being the single-minded person that I am, I put my whole determination into once again attaining that effect.

Luck sure does come surprisingly. With a click on the layering button and there you go – the effect has been done. “Yey!”
For those of you who are trying this program, I wish you the best of luck! Happy clicking!

ang pagbabalik

2005-04-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

mariah carey has already been a household name. starting her career years ago, she has managed to establish "mariah carey". she's what we call a "diva".

mariah's been known for her hearfelt ballads, sweet melodies and catchy tunes. she's been able to grab numerous awards. she has proven that she does have talent.

years after, people don't seem to 'dig' the sort of music she produces. well, people change. then she ventured into the silver screen. it turned out a flop.

this sudden rust of her star has lead to a difficult breakdwon. why wouldn't she, she has worked her butt out to maintain her image and status?

now she's come back with a (sorta') new image. i guess, she's trying to re-invent herself. i have to give her props, her latest album has already topped the charts. i guess, she still has the touch.

with her new album the emancipation of mimi (another cutie album title) she's going to prove that she still has it! and it seems like she is really making it.

here's to mariah, the all-time diva!

fickling

2005-04-22T23:56:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in front of my computer listening to the emancipation of mimi, I realized something; the entries that I write in my blog tend to seem like articles. They always sound as if they’re teaching something – trying to reach out to the readers. Well, I know there’s nothing wrong with that. It just came to me that I should write simpler entries more often. I should write more stories than articles. Should I?

On the other hand, I also believe that blogs are there for individuals to express their feelings. So there’s completely one hundred percent nothing wrong with my previous entries.

What do I need to write about then? Well, I’ve come to a conclusion that since blogging is expressing of ones self, then I should write whatever’s on my mind. Whether it be an article, a story, a poem, a recipe or whatever, I should be able to put in whatever’s on my crazy head.

Blogging is fun! It tells a person who he is. Though we might not see it, but it’s one of the best contributions the Internet has given people. Well, it’s not like they do that every time. So why not make the most out of it!
Happy blogging to everyone!

C O NS T I P A T I O N

2005-04-18T02:29:00.000-07:00

Our baguio vaca was some trip! I thought nothing could top it…

On our third day in the cold city of baguio, we went to see the famous grotto. We were unfamiliar to that place. We went up the stairway towards a tight stomach (it was simply high!) on the top of that three, long set of steps situates the grotto of mother mary. All was well when we got there. We offered candles and flowers together with our prayers and wishes. It was pretty solemn and “banal!”

Other than the statue of the virgin, one other attraction of the place was the tiangges just a few feet below the grotto. There they sell trinkets and “pasalubongs” unknown to the people back home. They have a variety of woven products and of course a line of various penises (different sizes and hardness) it was funny how the baguio people value the penis. Well, that was that.

A few hours of shopping went buy: A few bracelets here, a few anklets there: A couple of marionettes here, a couple of crispies over there. It was surely a pasalubong haven! I didn’t realize that even the simplest of things can make me happy. How cool is that!

The shopping went by, not noticing the person my dad was talking to. Well, all I noticed was his outfit – totally outdated! It was until that night that I found out that the person my dad was talking to was his long lost cousin. Roughly 30 years have passed since they last saw each other.

On our fourth day in Baguio, our dad told us that we were invited to go and visit the farm of our long lost Tito. The worse was to come. Off to panggasisnan!

We had no knowledge about our new tito; come to think of it, it was 30 years of who knows. Well, we were plain excited. It was our first opportunity to come close to nature, to a farm.

On the way to the farm was totally freaky. No exaggeration. I felt we were in an alien region of the province in a seriously thriller/ horror/ fantasy movie. We were dead.

It was night when we arrived the farm. It wasn’t looking like a farm, that’s for sure! Well, at least our other “relatives” welcomed us warmly. That helped ease the suffering and traumatic fear. The farm… the fram… What can I say about the farm? What can I say? That farm was the freakiest, scariest, most uncivilized, undiscovered place I’ve been to.

A lot of things have happened (my entry’s getting a little out of hand. It’s too long!) We went swimming. Blah blah blah.

Later the next day we found out the reason behind the place’s mysterious feel and our tito’s unusual behavior. Well, it was because he was a scientist that had came back from the dead and gained unusual enlightenment from God, thus acquiring powers beyond human knowledge. (getting bored with the entry…. Errrgh… need to finish it!) well, in simple terms he was different. I simply don’t understand.

Things have been learned, things have been cleared out, but the feeling is still there. A weird sensation followed me even after we left the farm. Was it because of our tito or the farm? I really don’t know. All I now is that because of what we’ve been through, I’m currently experiencing the worst constipation in my life. I can’t **** or ****.

Well, that’s that!

is this it?

2005-04-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

currently in a lobby area in a so-so hotel... good thing they have computers here!

baguio, the summer capital of the philippines. i don't know much about this place, but i've heard that it's a beautiful place. why not, it's dubbed as the summer capital of the country? actually i've been here when i was about 10 or 11. based on my experience, it's a "cool" place. cool in the sense that it's nice and it's literally cold. we stayed in a nice, big house with an intresting surrounding. though i rememred baguio as a wonderful place, what do i know, i was a kid then? years after we decided to go back to this place, and now i'm here with a very different notion of it.

on the way to baguio, i was really excited, hoping to find a nice and serene place to rest and unwind. as i got here, i was welcomed by a busy city. (not nice!) it looked like a market place. i kept my positivity. the hotel where we're going to stay occupied my mind , most of the trip. we first parked at a small and sorta cheap hotel. "yuck, ang pangit naman dito. i was expecting something nicer, daddy!" that was my first reaction. luckily that wasn't the hotel we're going to spend 4 days. to my surpirse we moved to an uglier hotel. well, i kept my spirit up not to disappoint my dad. well, you know what happened next; it turned out to be a hell of an experience. the place was plain junkyard material. (exaggerated!)

well, i don't want to further dissappoint myself. hopefully, we're going to transfer to a first class hotel tomorrow. fingers crossed!

baguio, is it really the summer capital?!

sin-drome

2005-04-04T02:47:00.000-07:00

Why do people sin? It is not because they are not aware of their actions. It is not because they don know what it means to sin. It is not because they don not know that it is plain evil. So why do people sin?

I guess people commit sin out of sheer selfishness. They do bad things because they only value themselves. Also some people lack the fear of God. People sin for fun, pleasure, greed and other ridiculous selfish reasons. People are consumed with this negative act until they actually allow themselves to be taken over by it. Eventually, they do it.

There are some cases that people sin out of stupidity. They do not think of their actions. Or sometimes they accidentally do it without even thinking. I too am guilty of this offense. I guess people cannot always veer away from sin. Sin is powerful. And we are all aware that people are not perfect.

Although people sin, it is their obligation to correct their mistakes. Sin is plain wrong. Even one’s conscience tells the person when he commits an evil act. One can even suffer severely at times that he regrets what he did. God will always forgive and will welcome people to his kingdom, no matter what they do. But this does not imply that people have the freedom to sin. This only entails that when people sin they should learn from it and discard the idea of committing the mistake again. People should repent from their mistakes and become better individuals. Accepting their faults is a big step towards repentance. Once they’ve accepted their mistakes, they are ready to correct their lives.

We were taught in school that we are created in the image and likeness of God. People have the power to discern what is right. Just take Mary (the mother of God) for example. She was human and was not immune from sin. However, she took the way of the Lord and never gave in to the temptation of sin. People are no different from her. People have their own judgment and free will. They are capable of distinguishing right from wrong. No one is invulnerable from this disease. However, people are capable of directing their selves to the right path – the path to God.

Sin is everywhere, in school, in malls, in the streets, or even at home. It is only up to the people whether they would give in to this or not. It’s their call.

the mall

2005-04-02T19:55:00.001-08:00

The mall is a sanctuary; it is a safe haven to all mall rats. It is where everything we need, we can get. So why wouldn’t it be a safe haven? We might ignore or miss-out on the truth about malls. Not only do we get our essentials and other needs in malls, but we also get other perks from it. Most malls offer entertainment in cinemas, relaxation and rejuvenation in Spas, nourishment and source of energy in restaurants and fast food chains, simple fun and enjoyment in indoor parks and playgrounds, and education in museums. (See what I mean?)

Most people enjoy malls. They take pleasure in the sheer act of purchasing their needs. But in a few hours, they get tired and leave. However, to some people, the mall can be treated as home. Weird as it sounds, it’s true. These people tend to spend a very big percentage of their lives in malls than any other place. I guess, in malls they get the things they are deprived off in any other place, to some even home. They are accessible to all the benefits malls offer. I for one can say that I’m guilty of this. I believe that malls are made for the people so they can enjoy life and take breather from the stresses everyday life can give. It gives mankind the break it deserves from its hard work.

It’s always nice to go to malls and just have the time of your life, but one must always keep in mind to attend to his/hers other obligations and responsibilities. Anyway, malls are always there and forever will be. ;)

pray for the pope

2005-04-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

i just found out from a friend (santino guevarra) that the pope passed away. i don't know the details about this incident. i don't know the time and the place. to tell you the truth, i don't know anything about the pope. sad to say, but i never really cared. but hearing about this misfortunate incident made me think about his importance to the world. even before his deatch a couple of weeks ago, people have been dead-worried about his ill condition. people from various nations from different walks of life went to the vatican city just to take a last glimpse of the pope, to hear him for the last time, and just to give him support and strength. i didn't know how special to the lives of the catholic the pope was. he was like a father that would be leaving his children behind.and now that he's gone, seeing his children grief for his death, struck me. it helped me give respect to the person that i once didn't even bother to acknowledge.

let us pray for the pope and may he rest in peace. one thing is certain; he is surely in a better place now.

breakdown

2005-04-01T18:48:00.000-08:00

Today is the 30th of March. My Internet connection’s still down. It’s been hell! (Excuse me for the term.)

Since I learned how to use the Internet when I was still in 3rd grade, I was so into it. As in I’ve become an avid user - surfing the different sites, chatting in the irc. I was addicted to its enticing features and offers. I started out using a dial-up connection. You know how slow that is. I clearly remembered how I impatiently waited as each site downloaded in front of me.

Now, I’m hooked-up on a dsl connection. dsl’s the name and speed’s the game. The speed capacity of my connection to the net was upgraded to a far more efficient and less stressful connection. Because of this improvement of my connection and of the unlimited access, using the net became an everyday thing for me. I became completely dependent on it. It is where I communicate, where I meet new people, where I look for info, where I study and a lot more. It has technically become my life.

Since then, life was not easy. This over dependence on the computer got to my nerves. I cannot have fun outside of this addiction. The screen was always in front of my face. I guess, it added a couple of grades higher to my eyesight. (Too bad for me.)

Now that my connection from the Internet was down, life’s been hard – life’s been boring. Well, I try other stuff to keep me busy and keep my mind away form the computer. I guess it’s kinda working; not so sure. I’m still here writing an entry for my blog. Does that mean, it’s not working?
Since my dsl is not yet accessible, I learn how to venture into the real world. I’m currently spending time with my cousins – we’re hangin’ out, not doing much. It would be an enlightening experience for me. (hehe!) In some kind of way, this might be result to something good. =)

march 30, 2005

2005-04-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

this one's late also. my comp was broken for a week.

It’s still march 30. it’s so boring! There’s nothing to do I’ve been looking for things to do but it seems hopeless luck. I just had a massage a few minutes ago to help me relax and calm down my nerves. After, I tried talking to some people but unfortunately they’re all busy. Now I’m just bored here writing non-sense. Hehehe! My cousin’s talking on the phone. At least, she has something to keep her busy. Well, that’s that. I’m just looking forward for tomorrow. Tan and I are going to glorietta and the best part about this – we’re going to commute. It’s a new excitng adventure. The next best part about it is the shopping. You see, I’ve collected enough money during my graduation that I’m able to shop for quite a lot of things. Shopping is what keeps me sane. I don’t know if it relaxes me or anything. It just makes me feel all right, happy all the time. I guess, it’s because of the satisfaction I get when I am able to purchase things that I want. I think that’s it! After solving the mystery of shopping… hahahah! I really don’t know what to do here. Getting bored. Boredom leads to laziness, and laziness leads to nothing. Well, I think I should stop being bored and continue to look for ways to keep me busy and happy at the same time. So that’s it for now. Boredom be gone!

nothing much. march 29, '05

2005-04-01T18:14:00.000-08:00

this has been delayed. this actually happened march 29, 2005

Holy week’s over. Now I’m back in marikina for some action. By action I mean time for friends. Well, today my friends and I met at ateneo for some volleyball. I got there quite late so no time to join. I won’t be joining even if I had time. They were playing with I’m not comfortable with. You see, I’m not a gifted volleyball player. I decided just to hang out with some friends who didn’t play as well.

For lunch we went to Blue Cow, the only acceptable restaurant in the school. There we all ate. As we ate, as usual, we blabbed and blabbed our hearts out. (That’s what we do best!) After I ate, I decided to drop by the chapel nearby.

Next, we headed to the college. We came with some of our friends who had some business. While waiting for them, I decided to appreciate the beauty and tranquility of the place. It is my dream college. It is a college surrounded by nature; a place with lots of shady trees, some chirping birds. Aside from the beauty, I am certain with the quality of education students would recieve. You get the picture.

After that, we didn’t have any plans in mind. We decided to head out of the campus and visit the street we grew in, Katipunan. Katipunan, as I may say, a comfort zone to most Ateneans. It feels like a second home to us. It is there where we eat during free times, we hang out, we buy materials, and lots of things. As we got there, the one place that came into mind was cello’s (yum!) Talk about donut-licious goodness. (Exaggerated!) There, we ordered a couple of donuts to give us extra energy for the rest of the day. Nothing really happened there, just the same old same old.

As we finished munching on those delish donuts, a couple of us decided to do some more adventure. The most accessible mall we could think of was Gateway. So we headed off there. We did some window-shopping for some summer wear. We were unsuccessful, so we went outside the mall to Shopwise. We didn’t have any luck there either. Although, Andrew was fortunate enough to purchase a cheap (not really) beach shorts. It was okay for the price (not!) We got tired, so we returned to the comfort zone, katips.

Back in Katipunan all we did was recopy my grad pics and nothing more. Our bodies weren’t capable enough to keep us going for the day. We then agreed to head home.
It was a typical summer day. Not much excitement but experiencing things with friends is what makes everything worthwhile. I’m looking forward to a new escapade.

black saturday

2005-03-26T05:13:00.000-08:00

"yehey!" this is what i would normally say during this time. it is because today is the last day of the long-waiting. it is the last day of the whole no-meat-three-days; the last day of abstinence.

well, it has been a long and dragging day for me. knowing that all i did was lie on my back and watch the "show" of the week, 7th heaven. it helped me go through the day. it kept me busy and it kept me thinking. i do have fun watching 7th heaven. actually, it became one of my fave shows because of the yearly marathon they have. (hehehe!) it's fun to see the cast all grown up now... awwww.... to tell you the truth, 7th heaven helped me realize a couple of life's lessons.

aside from all these, i believe that i've somehow grown; grown as a chirstian. i know, i've done nothing these past few days but slouch and strain my eyes from staring at the tv and computer screens. but i've seen a growth in me. you see, ever since, i've taken for granted and even resented (too harsh a word, but used it for the impact) abiding by the no-meat rule. i'm proud to say that i've managed to survive these few days without eating meat. a while ago i was tempted by a serving of bacon my brother made, but i was not into indulging into such pleasurable eating. (hehe!) you might think, it's only meat. well, to me it's really hard. the mere thought of not eating meat is torture enough for me. so this has been a great accomplishment. as an 18 year old, an adult, i am proud to have done such a deed. it is my sacrifice for the year. it was only for three days, but it has been something. it was a start.

now that i've grown, i now realize how important abstinence was. it is a small sacrifice that would lead to a greater thing one day. we wouldn't know what it would lead to but it would be a start of something good. now, "yehey!" to me means a different thing; it means, "yehey!" that it has been a learning experience. it has been great!

this has been a good day. tomorrow will be easter, a time of celebration! praise the lord! peace ya'll!

holy week/ no-meat-week

2005-03-25T02:27:00.000-08:00

it's holy week, good friday to be exact. anyway, it hasn't been a smooth holy week for me. of course, coming from a catholic family, i was raised with certain rituals or should i say "pamahiin". i was taught that during the holy week, especially from good friday 'til easter, one must not eat meat. it is believed to be a form of sacrifice to observe and acknowledge christ's suffering.

well, it has been hard lately. starting this morning i was faced with temptation. ad when i say temptation, i mean "meat" temptation. you see, i'm what you can call a "meat person". well, since last night, we were planning on what to eat. we had a variety of choices - choices that aren't meat! we thought of eggs, cereal, and the likes... i thought i was fully ready to face a meat free three days.

breakfast came, meat wasn't on my mind. i sat on my table expecting a nice decent, meat free breaksfast. "yey, pancakes!", i shouted (well, not really. it was on the inside.) pancakes are my favorite... well, next to meat (meat i mean, all sorts of meat: cow, chicken, etc.) as i was about to get the pitcher of water, there they were - meat! well actually, they were leftovers from yesterday's breaksfast. they were a piece of choriso, maling, and sausages. nevertheless, they were meat. they looked as if they were perfectly fried. well, no. they were actually reheated from the toaster. being a meat free day that it was, it looked so enticing.

it was a struggle. i was asking my mom, "is it okay... it's just one bite?" we weren't really forbidden to eat meat. i just happen to try a little bit of sacrifice. i'm an adult already, btw!=) i pushed myself to eat the syruppy-daddy-made-pancakes (best pancakes in the world!) i thought that eating it would somehow lessen the temptation. i was wrong. it turned out that eating something really sweet would make my tastebuds crave for something salty, like... meat!

with the help of God, probably, i was lucky enough not to eat a single bite of the scrumptuous meat leftovers. i didn't know how hard breakfast could be. well, at least i'm happy that i've gone through it without eating meat. meat wouldn't be a threat for the rest of the three days.

it was only meat. and yet, it was really hard for me. well, i guess that's what this "pamahiin" is teaching us catholics. it makes us realize how giving up something can be really difficult even the smallest of things like meat. Jesus Christ, gave up his own life just for us. that is the greatest sacrifice anyone could give. and all that is being asked of us is not to eat meat...

two days left. i guess, i shouldn't be counting the days. instead i should focus more on the real essence of holy week, remembering christ.

here's to all the meat lovers in the world! peace!