02.07.2007

this morning i woke up after having a nightmare. i was already late for my morning laboratory class since the bad dream kept me drowning in my sleep. as i lied on my bed, i felt my whole body ache as if i did weights. i could not stand up due to the pain that was holding me down. finally, i got the courage, and with the greatest effort, forced myself to rise and go through with the day.

i went to the bathroom to take a p*ss as i regularly do. after, i shifted to the sink close by, i scraped my friggin' leg with the wooden antiquish trash bin. from then, i knew more drama will follow. i went downstairs to eat breakfast. as i was about to scoop sugar for my hot chocolate, i found a couple of ants crawling in and out the sugar container. i lost my appetite, but went on with the hot choco, nevertheless.

it was about 9:30 and i was late for english. so i rushed for a quick bath. i opened the shower, hot water first then cold. as i stepped in the shower, my scraped leg jolted with pain. and as i looked down on it, i saw a wound. (Yey me!)

as i was leaving the house, all my hopes were up as i decided to think positively, hopefully to imrpove my sucky day. but there was more drama intended for me that morning. i was about to step out to go to school (i commut btw.). the garage door swung open. and to my dismay, the moment the door completely opened, rain came pouring down. but there's more! as i turned around, i accidentally stepped on a dissolved tissue or something (like paper mache texture). i went inside to wash my foot and grab an umbrella.

my day kept getting worse as school work continued to pile up on me. today was the day i was ready to actually finish the documentary i planned to edit during the weekend, but unfortunately couldn't do. then after, i hope to start studying for a long test and learn my stats. however, this was impossible since i have to stay in school for a very late play we have to watch for literature class, which we would not even proabably dare discuss in class. then a while ago i bumped into a math classmate only to find out our next long test is scheduled this coming tuesday.

and now my head hurts from all the dissappointments and mental juggling. every now and then i crack my neck to relieve the build up of tension due to the veins that seemed to keep intertwining every minute.

i hope this is all i will be getting for this day as i can't handle no more. i still have other personal issues to attend to aside from these school load. Lord help me.

so, to you reader, hello. i am back.

02.07.2007

this morning i woke up after having a nightmare. i was already late for my morning laboratory class since the bad dream kept me drowning in my sleep. as i lied on my bed, i felt my whole body ache as if i did weights. i could not stand up due to the pain that was holding me down. finally, i got the courage, and with the greatest effort, forced myself to rise and go through with the day.

i went to the bathroom to take a p*ss as i regularly do. after, i shifted to the sink close by, i scraped my friggin' leg with the wooden antiquish trash bin. from then, i knew more drama will follow. i went downstairs to eat breakfast. as i was about to scoop sugar for my hot chocolate, i found a couple of ants crawling in and out the sugar container. i lost my appetite, but went on with the hot choco, nevertheless.

it was about 9:30 and i was late for english. so i rushed for a quick bath. i opened the shower, hot water first then cold. as i stepped in the shower, my scraped leg jolted with pain. and as i looked down on it, i saw a wound. (Yey me!)

as i was leaving the house, all my hopes were up as i decided to think positively, hopefully to imrpove my sucky day. but there was more drama intended for me that morning. i was about to step out to go to school (i commut btw.). the garage door swung open. and to my dismay, the moment the door completely opened, rain came pouring down. but there's more! as i turned around, i accidentally stepped on a dissolved tissue or something (like paper mache texture). i went inside to wash my foot and grab an umbrella.

my day kept getting worse as school work continued to pile up on me. today was the day i was ready to actually finish the documentary i planned to edit during the weekend, but unfortunately couldn't do. then after, i hope to start studying for a long test and learn my stats. however, this was impossible since i have to stay in school for a very late play we have to watch for literature class, which we would not even proabably dare discuss in class. then a while ago i bumped into a math classmate only to find out our next long test is scheduled this coming tuesday.

and now my head hurts from all the dissappointments and mental juggling. every now and then i crack my neck to relieve the build up of tension due to the veins that seemed to keep intertwining every minute.

i hope this is all i will be getting for this day as i can't handle no more. i still have other personal issues to attend to aside from these school load. Lord help me.

so, to you reader, hello. i am back.

torn

For the past year, day and night, the thought of being away had made me restless. I religiously prayed for the moment that I may be able to return.

At last, the day came. I received a phone call informing me of my acceptance. I could not swallow the news. I was not sure whether it was sheer joy or that it was just shock that all of a sudden it had finally happened; I’m coming back.

The night before was very happy. It was the eighteenth birthday of a close friend. I was lucky enough to have contributed somehow to the occasion. My friend asked me to host a segment of the party. The night was spent with my closest peers, and we had a simple yet a very happy time together. Though it was the usual birthday celebration, we loved every single time we spent with each other.

That night, I already felt a gut feeling that something is coming; things will soon turn around. True enough, the following morning, I did get the news. Suddenly, everything crumbled. My stomach churned as if it was ready to melt.

From the start, I knew I was going to leave these genuine people I have met. But I never really knew until the day finally came that I was going to miss them a whole lot. That night, I was tossing and turning on my bed. I was sleepless thinking of the next step to take.

I remember last New Year’s Eve; I checked my astrology reading on the net. It said that the year would be a good one for rabbits, though it entails a very hard decision. I guess this was it. But then again, astrology or no astrology, life’s all about making your own choices. And I had to make-up my mind now.

People who know me might immediately assume that I probably am ecstatic with the acceptance; it was all that I wanted. However, now that I am actually in that dream, I am occupied with a million reservations. I weigh each and every pros and cons.

Almost everything points to my retention in my current school. First, I am able to go home everyday to my family. Second, I have found an amazing set of friends. Lastly, I have already spent a year of college there. The only reason that is holding me back is my love for the Ateneo, the place that I grew up in.

Amidst all these uncertainties, I came to realize that in spite of these setbacks, I can continue on my dream. Family and friends will always be there for me regardless of distance. And I ask: what is another added year compared to my self fulfillment and happiness? So then, I arrive at a decision:

In life, there is always a continuous downpour of challenges, problems, and heartaches. But one has to make a stand and face the facts. This is what I asked for, and I should accept it gratefully. I say, I’d go for it!

With the Lord by my side, I fear nothing.

'tis the season to be bored

After a whole year of sweat and blood, the season we’ve all anticipated has finally arrived—long hours of excitement and sunshine, summer.

At last, the day has come when we can sit back, relax and enjoy a cool and refreshing sip of our favorite drink, while we nestle under a shade as we enjoy the season. In spite of the intense heat emitted by the sun, we seem to find ourselves relieved at the idea that it is vacation.

But then, we reach the point of the break where we find ourselves clueless of the next step to take until we become restless. Should we make the most out of our free time or risk being seethed by the scourging temperature? We find ourselves bored stiff thinking of things to keep us active, happy or simply amused. Our minds end up exhausted thinking of a simple idea that could save us from our two-month damnation. But, often we wind up consumed by the impossible heat, lost in a vast pool of nothingness.

Once in a while we would chance upon certain ideas that would pop-up in our lethargic minds, but later on we decide to pass up the thought. At times we would try. We engage ourselves in fun and cool activities such as dance classes, swimming lessons, or even speed reading courses. On the first few days, we make ourselves believe that we enjoy our newfound activities. Come the second week, we are then too lazy to even imagine the thought of driving ourselves to our classes.

Every year we experience the same thing. We await this time of the year only to find ourselves gone in a drought state of mind. Then again, we ask ourselves: what is the purpose of the summer? It is the time of the year when we can finally sit back and enjoy the sun; it does not require us to employ our time on more activities. Summer is a time to rejuvenate, to unwind our coiled nerves and find our peace, even just for a month or two.

a moment like this

I was just telling a friend how I have not yet come up with another entry since my last one a month ago or so. It is true that I, personally, am motivated to work under pressure. It occurred to me that interesting ideas arise at times when I’m busy stressing over home works, researches and projects.

Now that it is summer, free from the truck loads of school demands, I have all the time to bum around and brainstorm of anything to update my blog. However, due to unknown cosmic forces my brain can’t seem to function to even formulate a decent thought. Probably there is nothing to squeeze out even a single drop as my mind is also on vacation.

You might be wondering, what is this entry then? This entry did not sprout out of nowhere; this is under the influence of pressure. You see, tomorrow I have an engagement. By now I’m supposed to be asleep and resting. But then, I decided to grab this opportunity, at least to produce something out of my stagnant psyche.

Currently, I am in a very drowsy state, ready to climb under the blanket and start counting sheep, but I could not let this rare moment pass and forgo another possibility of a potentially substantial composition. True, there isn’t much sense and thought into this writing; it’s quite common and perhaps boring, but (hey) at least, now I have a new entry you people can read.

P.S.
This is probably my first and last entry for the break.

bakasyon

sadyang napaka-init na ng panahon ngayon. gumising akong mayroong kakaibang lagkit at sakit ng ulo. pahiwatig lamang ito ng bakasyon. sa kadahilanang ito'y nawala ang init ng ulo sa kabila ng pumupulupot na init.

matagal na rin ang nagdaang panahon ng ako'y huling nakaranas ng bakasyon. sa kasamaang palad, hindi pa rin ako nakaaabot dito sa kadahilanang ako'y mayroong pang pasok. katal na katal na ko't hindi makapaghintay dahil alam kong ilang araw na lang akong nalalayo sa matagal ng inaasam na bakasyon.

sa baksyon hindi ko mawari kung anong aking maaring gawin, sa dami ng aking nais. sadyang hindi kakayanin ng isang buwan ang sayang aking pinapangarap na maisakatuparan, ngunit sapat na ito upang mayroong magawa sa ilan sa mga ito.

ngunit kailangan kong gumising sa katotohanan na ako'y mayroon pang tinatapos na gawaimbahay at mga nalalapit na mga pagsusulit. ako'y lubhang sabik lamang sa panahong malayo sa paaralan at kawala sa oras at obligasyon. kaya't heto't tatapusin ko na ang sulating ito at babalik sa aking gawain at sa gayo'y mapalapit na sa baksyong nasa tabi na lamang.

push the button

i never thought i would ever find myself watching those silly koreanovelas every filipino has gone gaga over. i never considered myself as part of that demograph who indulge their primetime watching with those foreign shows.

to tell you honestly, i did, at least, once in my life tried. remember the show Lovers In Paris? who wouldn't. i was able to catch glimpses of a couple of episodes as i did my regular tv surfing. soon i just found myself locked on the tube watching it every (damn) single night. but then it was senior year and i got burdened with loads of school work, eventually luring me away from my guilty pleasure.

since then i was never again given even the smallest chance to watch a koreanovela. then came college. of course, during this period in a person's life, where he swims in a sea of different faces, he wouldn't know the people he'd get to hang with. funny thing, i happened to have made friends with a self-confessed koreanovela addict.(Diana Marie Tiu Centeno). thanks a lot! it was through her that i was once again re-introduced to this sensational world. i'm finally back in the game!

Kim Sam Soon airs on GMA, every weeknights at 10:30 pm. for about a month now this has been the focus of my daily primetime viewing. it has been a while that i was stuck with my regular tv shows that has eventually made me yawn and turn off the television. this sudden hook on this tv program has added variety and color to my once boring staring game.

koreanovelas were not my thing then, but i have gone to the next stage of penetrating through the wall that has kept me on the other side. for a second i have made it through, and it's a heck of an experience. now i belong. before i switch off the tube out of dispair, but now with the anticipation of new koreanovelas that continue to invade the screen i should hold back a little and push that damn button.

shut

i have always been the friendly person that i am since i can remember. i can firmly say that i have never been bad, mean or whatsoever in my entire life. nobody's perfect, but i am certain about my claim.

i have always been the clown, making everybody laugh and just have fun. but then, for some strange reason, some people tend to hate me. i know i'm often exagerated, outspoken, opinionated and a serious kidder. however, you can't always take my word for the things i say. i know that i can't please everyone, but hey, this is too much. it's not the pleasing part that i am wondering about, its the hate i get. it's funny yet shrivelling to feel that by just being myself, being fun and loud (moderately), i get into different conflicts. it's exhausting to always hold everything in or to just let go because i can't avoid the reality that these people dislike me. i don't understand. i guess it's true that the nicer you are, the more conflicts that get in your way.

of all the confrontations i had this one instance blew me away. i was so shocked to hear from a friend how she despises the company she belongs to, specifically me. I'm LiKe DUH! what did i ever do to you. no matter how i show my appreciation and no matter how hard i stand up for you, you just don't see it. in fact, it turns into anger or disgust. i have never been insulted in my entire life. it's like i want to become mean like people are to me. it's so unfair to just do nothing and in effect, become the bad one.

you want a BITCH, ima give you one! )(*$&*&()!!!!

but then, better just keep my trap shut.